Ramblings of a Christian Grandma Biker

In a world full of social media and constant access to it, we can become so focused on it that we lose ourselves. There is such an overwhelming amount of YouTube channels and other platforms to subscribe to it’s honestly mind blowing.  I admit I have several YouTube channels I follow, mostly on homesteading and different preachers/pastors. I get some wonderful information from them, but recently I realized I also can have unrealistic expectations from watching them as well, especially from the homesteading type channels.

I want so badly to be able to grow a lot of my own food and preserve it. I start out great, then life happens and I’m not able to keep up with it and I feel like a failure. Others may then see what’s happened to it and start to question why I let it happen and it becomes a downward spiral of negativity.

The fact is, most of those I watch doing this are doing it full time. They don’t work another job full time in addition so they can put in the time required to properly weed, water, fertilize and pick things at just the right time. Some may even have others that help them with it all.

Reality is, we see what they choose to let us see. It’s possible they too may have garden areas that become out of control or not productive and just don’t share that. I know for me this past year, my garden areas started out beautiful. Things were producing well and weeds were under control, then once again life happened.

We grew up growing vegetables and all 3 of us kids planted, weeded and harvested and mom preserved it, mostly by freezing, and she made pickles to last through the winter. I’ve recently realized that the past several years, one of the reasons and joys of my gardening was to be able to share the pictures and updates of it with my mom. She was always asking how different things were doing and what I’d been planting, picking, eating, canning etc. I would tell her that the weeds were starting to creep in or that I wanted to get this or that done, and she’d gently remind me that it was ok. She’d tell me to be sure to not let it get me overwhelmed due to everything else I had on my plate to do in addition to the garden. “You can’t do it all” she’d say so “Be thankful for what you can do.” She would constantly remind to make time to rest, something I’m not very good at.

This summer things were producing quite well, especially considering how hot it had been. I was keeping it watered and weeded and was harvesting cucumbers, okra, squash and tomatoes and sharing the news with her.  Then once again reality hit. One day after I got home from work there was a storm coming with strong winds so I quickly closed up the greenhouse and waited to see what the damage would be. The wind didn’t affect the greenhouse,  but my bed of okra was blown over every which way and I honestly just gave up on it and the rest of that part of the garden. There was still a chance to save some of it, but the desire just wasn’t there. At this point mom had declined to the point she couldn’t see pictures I tried to share very well and the questions about updates in the garden stopped coming. 

I know she would have again said it’s ok, but nothing about it feels ok. I no longer had her to share the pictures and updates with and it all seemed like it was just too much. I know it seems like a waste to others and makes no sense, but it’s my reality.

Do I regret not keeping it up? Yes, every time I look at it. It’s become an ugly mess that I know I’ll need to clean up soon. That too is like our own lives. We often makes messes we have to try to clean up and it’s not as easy as cleaning up an overgrown garden. We can have regrets that we can’t fix and some that we can attempt to make better but not truly fix.

The reality is, life, like gardens can be messy and we all have regrets.  I’ve heard some people say they have no regrets but I don’t believe that. Have they really never done or said anything they regret? I don’t think so, not if they’re truly honest with themselves. Even as children we say things we later wish we hadn’t said. I know I regret things I’ve said and choices I’ve made and a couple of those choices haunt me daily.  They’re not things I can fix now. I know they’re a part of who I am, but I can’t help but wonder what if I had chosen things differently.  The only thing to do is move forward,  try to do better, and ask God to help us do just that. Without His help, nothing gets better.

The garden will get cleaned up and I’ll do it all again next year,  hopefully better than this year. I’ll have life decisions to make, and again hopefully I’ll do better. The pressures to not make mistakes and to do our best are the goal, but reality is we sometimes just mess up. I’m thankful for a God who can forgive those mistakes if we ask Him to and who also will help us to make better choices if we follow His lead and not our own.

1 John 1:9 

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

John 15: 1-8

1 “I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser.
2 Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.
3 You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you.
4 Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.
5 I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.
6 If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned.
7 If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.
8 By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples.”

2 Corinthians 12:10

Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

I personally can’t say that I take pleasure in these things,  but I can definitely say that when I feel weak, then I am strong. That strength does NOT come from me,  but from my walk with Jesus and knowing that God is in control. It comes directly from Him.

I have experienced several hard things the past few years that made me walk closer and closer to Jesus to get me through. Even in the midst of some significant challenges,  I felt a sense of peace that not everyone understands, as it can only come from Him.

In times of trials, some people pull away from God,  get angry with Him, and possibly even question His existence. The more trying the trial I experience, the closer I want and need to be to Him. This doesn’t mean I just accept the trials, but it does mean I know in the end He is ultimately in control and I can trust Him to see me through them. I may not understand or know exactly how to handle them or when they will pass, but He does. For that I am extremely grateful.

During my mom’s most recent health struggles and then her passing from this world into the loving arms of Jesus I had no choice other than to be strong. There were things to be done and decisions to be made and God got me through it all as only He could. I can’t imagine going through life’s trials without Jesus.

Do you ever go through times where during the day you can feel strong and like you can conquer anything,  then you wake up in the middle of the night feeling insecure and weak and maybe even defeated? That’s definitely something I’ve struggled with in recent years from time to time.  Even when the weather is stormy, it seems more daunting if it occurs during the night vs. during the day. It’s as if when night time comes, your entire mindset changes.

I’ve been thinking about why things affect me differently at night. The only real difference I can put my finger on is the darkness. If that’s the only difference then that actually makes perfect sense. Not only can physical darkness cause feelings of despair and uncertainty,  but spiritual darkness does as well. The physical light of daytime is comforting and reassuring,  just as the light of Jesus is, if you truly know and trust Him.

Often parents will leave on a night light of some kind for babies and young children so they will have that feeling of  “comfort” and not experience the darkness. Some children experience what’s known as night terrors. Again, it’s an occurrence in the dark of night,  not in the light of day. If you’ve ever been present when a child has one of these it can be a very eery and helpless feeling. One of my boys had these and I remember sitting on the edge of his bed in deep prayer until it passed on multiple occasions. Darkness is simply the absence of light, and yet has such an impact on us.

There have been times when I’ve layed awake at night over thinking things, then morning comes and I wonder why in the world I thought what I did. There is no logical explanation more often than not. So in the darkness there’s a feeling of being weak, yet in the light a feeling of being strong.

Being strong doesn’t mean you carry it all and conquer it all on your own. It’s knowing where true strength comes from and being strong enough to realize you need help from the Father. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. We were never meant to carry the weight of the world on our own.

My daily quote calendar the other day said, God becomes most real in the darkness.  That is a very true statement in so many ways. When I’m struggling during the darkness, is when I call out to Jesus in a very real way and have an intense detailed discussion with Him. Do I hear an audible voice speaking back to me? No I don’t, but I do feel His overwhelming presence and I know that it’ll be ok in the end. The nights can be long, but the sun and the Son are still both waiting for you the next day.

The next time you’re feeling weak, whether it’s day or night, something big or small, cry out to Jesus, He’s waiting to hear from you. He can make you strong if you’ll allow Him to have control.

Psalm 29:11

The LORD will give strength unto his people; the LORD will bless his people with peace.

2 Samuel 22:33

God is my strength and power: and he maketh my way perfect.

I am weak, but He is strong-Amen.

Yes I’m back riding and writing again! I’ve been riding some but not writing.  I feel that shifting now.  My rides the  past 2 weekends I dare say were the most relaxed and guilt free rides in my almost 11 years of riding my own bike. Everything felt different.

The weather was hot but it wasn’t windy and there were no rain showers in sight. I wasn’t constantly wondering if someone might try to call me requiring me to abort my ride to attend to other matters. Nobody was driving on the wrong side of the road headed at me and there were actually some kind drivers at 4-way stops that motioned for me to go before them, even though they had the right of way. Simply put they were great rides.

Many previous rides were hindered by reckless drivers and thoughts of things going on in life that I allowed to prevent me from thoroughly enjoying that time alone on the open country roads. My mind was racing and I just wasn’t able to focus on the beauty and solitude of the ride time.

Many things have changed since I last wrote anything. There have been heart aches, joys, a funeral, and also more grandbabies have been added to the family.  I’ve visited with a cousin I hadn’t seen in many years, met my nephew’s baby boy and his wife to be, and so many more blessings along the way.  Life goes on whether we take the time to acknowledge and appreciate it or not.

So much of our lives can become very routine driven and we may not even realize it. I know I’ve been guilty of this more times than I care to count.

The past 2 rides I’ve taken, led me to do quite a bit of reflecting and soul searching. Many times when we’re in the midst of our journey,  we can see our situations and feel like we are burdened with so many things going on that we miss the blessings along the way. If any of you has ever been , or is currently,  a caregiver, you can probably relate to this.

Over the years, I have been blessed to care for both my mom and my dad in many ways as they aged and developed health issues. Were there days when it felt burdensome? Absolutely there were, it would be a lie to say otherwise.  Looking back though,  I wouldn’t have changed it for the world. What an honor to be able to repay them in some small way for all of the love and care they provided me and my brother and sister as we grew up. I’m sure they too felt burdened by that at times. I’m positive they also would have done it all over again if asked about it.

No matter how tough times were,  the burdens in reality were blessings. I was blessed to have conversations with them as they aged about stories of the past, things they remembered and openly shared. I’ve seen life events through the eyes of my children and grandchildren,  but also through the eyes of my parents.  I saw their faces light up when visited by family and friends and it was much like a child’s face when they get a wished for present.  For the elderly,  our presence is better than any presents. They simply want to spend time with those they love.

Watching your parents age and decline isn’t easy, and watching them die is bittersweet. If they know Jesus, it’s only a temporary separation, which is very comforting to know, but we still miss them so much here. I was blesssed to be present and holding the hand of both my dad and my mom as they peacefully passed into the arms of Jesus 13 years apart for which I’m very grateful. I experienced the peace of God that passes all understanding as mentioned in Phillipians 4.

As hard as it is to watch a parent take their final breath and die, can you imagine how hard it had to be for God to watch His only son die? He didn’t die of old age or natural causes, or even an accident.  He was intentionally crucified on the cross, a very painful death, for you and for me! It wasn’t because He did anything wrong, it was because each and every one of us is a sinner and He died to save us. He bore our burdens in order to bless us with eternal life in Heaven with Him, if we accept Him as our Lord and Savior. Have you accepted Him yet?

The time is drawing near where we’ll all be answering that question, what will your response be? Will you acknowledge Him or deny Him? There is no middle of the road on this matter, you’re either all in or all out.

John 14:6
Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

I’ve seen at least 2 miracles recently that could only be possible through God. Don’t wait until it’s too late, none of us are promised another day. He wants us to spend eternity with Him, but ultimately we have to choose to believe and to surrender to Him. Choose soon, and choose wisely.

I choose Jesus, today and every day.

One day recently it was pretty foggy in the morning when I woke up and still as I traveled to work.  There were times the fog appeared very thin and easy to see through and other times when it was quite thick and almost impossible to see what was on the other side. I remember thinking how beautiful the sunrise was where there was no fog and even where the sun shone through the fog where it was thinner. The areas where the fog was thickest, the sun was much more difficult to pass through, but not impossible if I really focused.  I know the roads very well so had no concern of going off the sides or across the middle line where it was harder to see, I just had to have faith the other drivers coming towards me were as familiar and aware as well.

As I reflected on these moments I then realized seeing Jesus the Son can be that same way for us. If our minds are clear we can easily see Him in even the littlest things. As our minds become “foggy”, cluttered with thoughts of this world, and we take our focus off him it can be more difficult to see Him. God is always there in the same place, He doesn’t change or move away just like the roads and the sun don’t, what changes is our focus.

I can honestly say over the past 2 years definitely, and especially over the past year, it’s become much easier to see Him through daily reading of His word and by telling others about Him. It’s also easy when those you’ve talked to about Him, then share their own stories of seeing Him working in their lives. There have been some very dark days, days I never expected to experience,  yet through even those days I felt His presence.  It may require looking a little harder sometimes,  but He’s always there. When you experience dark days and can still feel peace, you know it’s only through Him.

Others may not understand that peace if they know what you’re going through, but that’s ok. It may be the reason they one day will. To go through the fog and see the Son on the other side is as amazing and beautiful as seeing the sunshine through fog.

We cannot let the darkness,  the fog, or the world cause us to lose sight of the Son. He is the light and the only way through.

John 8:12

“Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying,  I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.”

Merry Christmas to each and every one of you reading this. I don’t have a riding post to share but I had a revelation that warranted documenting for myself so I just figured I’d share it here as well.

The past several weeks have been incredibly busy and in many ways exhausting physically and mentally.  It’s so easy to allow ourselves to feel overwhelmed and inadequate. The hustle and bustle getting ready for Christmas,  working full time, and still doing the daily chores and errands, cooking and cleaning and the list goes on.

I did make sure this year that I started my annual tradition of making gingerbread items with each of my  grandchildren, that are old enough, early so that they would not be rushed.  Next year there will be 9 to do so I’m making a note to myself to start early again. It’s such a fun time and a blessing to have that time with each of them to watch their little minds be creative and to be so proud of their completed masterpiece. They couldn’t wait to share them with their moms and dads. I captured photos and videos of their intentional decorating and their concentration on each detail so I can watch it all again and again. It’s something I look forward to as much if not more than they do every year.

We are each God’s masterpiece and we need to remember that He too made us with attention to details. We are all made in His image, yet are as different as each gingerbread house. They start out with the same foundation,  yet each one turns out differently.

The youngest required more help at barely 2 years old than the oldest, at 9 years old, but each one was special and unique. This relates to Christians too, the newest believers require extra guidance compared to the older more seasoned Christians and it’s up to the elders to share that knowledge and guidance. There is a “baby ” Christian at work and He is so excited to share His journey and his new found hope in Jesus.  The only thing he wanted for Christmas was a cross necklace,  and he was so excited to receive it from his wife prior to Christmas. He came to work and said he couldn’t wait to show me and that he is wearing it, “loud and proud.”

Sometimes as Christians we can become so “routine” in our walk that we can miss out on the excitement of following Jesus and the yearning to get closer to Him. We can forget to be loud and proud and to share His good news with others.

It’s Christmas Eve and I told my husband it just didn’t feel like Christmas this year. The crazy warm temperatures caused part of that feeling but it’s also because something was missing. Decorating for Christmas always involves putting up the tree and decorating it with specific ornaments that have special meanings. There are items that typically go under the tree as well, which I knew would not happen this year for the first time due to a puppy in the house but I made peace with that.

The family nativity going out on the dining room table was put on hold so as not to be a temptation to little hands making gingerbread masterpieces and just due to so many other things going on. I had previously told my mom it may be Christmas Eve this year before I got it up. Well, it’s Christmas Eve and it’s still not yet up. Part of me thought well it’s too late to do it now and part of me knew it needed to be done.  The internal struggle went on, then my husband asked why I hadn’t put it out this year. I explained why and when I heard it come out of my mouth I realized that’s what was missing.  It didn’t feel like Christmas because I left out one of the most important routines of all, putting up the nativity. 

I then cleaned all of the clutter that had accumulated off the table, got out the nativity, and put it in it’s rightful place. NOW it feels like Christmas.

Just like the table needed to be decluttered to make room for the nativity,  our hearts and minds sometimes need to be decluttered to make room for Jesus. Jesus is not just a baby lying in a manger.

Isaiah 9:6

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.

He is our Father, the great physician,  teacher, and our Savior. He deserves to be first in our hearts and minds, not an after thought.  When He is put first in His rightful place, everything else will fall into place, just like the nativity needed to be in it’s place so it would feel like Christmas.

Merry Christmas!!

Whew it’s been a long time since I’ve written! Life has been crazy and I’ve just not felt led to write until now. There have been heartaches, joys, and healed relationships along the way and so many changes personally as well as in the world.

I have been riding, even though I haven’t been writing, and even that has been different in the past 6 months especially.  It seems the majority of people are just not paying attention at all when they drive. There have been so many times when vehicles of all sizes with all ages of drivers have crossed over into the other lane headed right towards me. It can be very unnerving to say the least.

As I’ve stated before, I rarely ride with any specific destination in mind. I have set out to go certain general directions many times,  and my gut tells me to go another way.  I must decide every time whether I’m going to listen to my “gut”, which I believe is actually the Lord talking to me, or ignore it. I’ve learned over the years it’s best to not question that feeling. Any time I have gone against it, the outcome has revealed I should have listened.

The same goes for my writing. So many times I start to write and it seems my mind and heart go a million directions and I can’t get focused in. When discussing my frustrations over some things quite a while back, my husband’s reply was, “Stop trying to carry the cross that isn’t yours. ” How often do we do that?

The enemy continues working hard to steal,  kill, and destroy. There have been so many devastating “natural ” disasters just within the last year with so much loss of life and property and no end in sight to the devastation. Families have been torn apart and are constantly under attack.  The news is increasingly unreliable and full of lies and hatred.

Most recently we lost an incredible young man, the age of my sons, to a senseless assassination. My heart aches for Charlie Kirk’s family, especially his 2 young children who will now grow up without their daddy. Thankfully they will one day be able to watch videos of him, but that’s most definitely not much comfort for them now. Anyone who can’t see that the Bible is playing out before our very eyes is blinded by the lies of the enemy.

We lost another amazing man of God, Voddie Baucham, and also lost John MacArthur and James Dobson this year. I believe they are all now in the presence of the Father and what a wonderful place to be. They all had, and I believe will continue to have, a very strong impact on so many even today.  Although social media can be down right cruel, it can also help spread the gospel through the videos and teachings of these 4 men as well as so many before them who were not afraid to speak truth.

On a ride a while back, I passed by a church that had on it’s sign out front, “Who is going to Heaven Because of You?” I thought quite a bit about that as I rode that day and have pondered on it many times since. I think I understand what was meant with that question, but in reality none of us is truly responsible for anyone other than ourselves going to heaven in my opinion. God and the person who makes the decision to follow Jesus are ultimately responsible.

We can, however, be a wonderful witness for God and we can allow others to see the joy we receive following Him, in good times and in tough times. That in turn may get them interested in learning more about Him and wanting to dig deeper into that relationship. I’ve heard some reports that it takes someone hearing the Gospel 3 times before they respond and others say it takes 10 times. I have no idea how many times it truly takes, I just know that anyone who is lead to tell others about Jesus should never stop. It’s not just about telling them, it’s about living it and showing them. The old saying, “actions speak louder than words” is very true. If you are telling someone about Jesus and claiming to have a relationship with Him, but then your actions show otherwise on a regular basis, which do you think will speak loudest? I know we all make mistakes and will continue to, but when we do we must apologize,  ask for forgiveness and strive to do better so as not to repeat the same mistakes. People may forget things you say but they won’t forget how you made them feel.

I’ve watched and listened to many people talk about Charlie since he was murdered and I’ve been in awe of his wife’s remarks about him in so many ways. She said he never raised his voice towards her or their children and was always asking her how he could serve them better. That kind of self control and willingness to serve could only come through a relationship with Jesus. Those actions matched his words and that’s part of what makes his witness so powerful, even in his absence from this world now.

One day we will all face our creator and how that turns out for each of us will all depend on one decision, do you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior?  It’s not just do you believe in Him, even the evil one believes He exists or he wouldn’t be fighting so hard to make you question everything and not follow Jesus. Do you truly believe He is the son of God, that He died, He rose and He is coming back again?!

Think about the Bible for a minute, can you think of any other book that has been around longer or caused so much discussion and uproar, yet provided so much comfort to so many? How many times have you heard about a fire, flood, tornado, or hurricane destroying everything in it’s path yet someone finds a Bible in perfect condition amongst the devastation? Have you heard about that with any other books time and again?

Why do you think that happens? There’s only one reason, GOD! I will never be convinced otherwise.  He is omnipotent,  omniscient and omnipresent. He is the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

If you’ve never before sought Him wholeheartedly, please consider it now, the days are getting darker all over the world.

This is the longest I have gone without publishing, but it’s not because I haven’t been riding or writing. I have started a few ramblings over the past several months but never felt led to complete them or publish them so those still sit in the drafts folder for now. The past 11 months have been full of changes, challenges, and many lessons learned. There’s been death, sickness, renewed relationships, job changes, and new friendships. As I rode recently and was looking at the leaves that are changing colors again they reminded me of the cycle of life and that change is always happening. The leaves become beautiful as they change, and yet the tree soon becomes naked and barren which shows that some changes can be beautiful and kind of ugly at the same time. The same is true in our lives, some changes are wonderful and others seem almost unbearable.

Have you ever thought that there was something you truly wanted to have happen and couldn’t understand why it didn’t? Then maybe later it did happen and it was not at all how you expected it to be? That has been the case for me recently. There was a place I had been volunteering at for 8-9 years and part of me believed I truly wanted to work there full time and not just volunteer. The opportunity arose, I prayed about it and I went for it. I know that God put me there, it’s the only way it would have fallen into place the way it did. I believed it was going to be for long term, but it was not to be. I struggled after several months wondering if He still wanted me there or if it was time to again move on and if so, then why did He have me there at all. One day as I was really struggling for an answer, I had a revelation from Him. I’d gotten out of my car and I had been listening to the radio trying to discern what He wanted me to do. As I got back in the car and started to leave to run to the bank with my check, my CD player was playing, not the radio. The CD had been in there for quite some time and I had listened to it probably 100 times over the past several years. The song that was immediately playing I didn’t recall every really hearing, at least I never truly heard the words to it until that day if I had heard it. While I drove to the bank I cried as I listened to the words as they spoke to my heart. The song is, Where You Begin, by Mandisa. Part of the lyrics are as follows:

“Today I need You
Just to get through
Today I’m breaking
Under the weight of it all
And I’m afraid I might fall
Today I’m empty
But I am willing
To keep listening
And looking for You in the noise
For Your quiet voice

Are You telling me to go?
Are You telling me to stay?
Are You telling me to hold on to You for another day?
‘Cause I got nothing left
And I’m hanging by a thread
I give You all my weakness, You give me
Your strength
‘Cause I’m here again,
Here at my end
Where You begin”

I cried like a baby all the way to the bank. I then pulled in to a parking place, listened again and cried some more. As I returned to work and listened to it on repeat all the way back the tears continued to flow. I couldn’t get the words out of my head and as the day and evening progressed I knew what I had to do. That evening I completed my timesheet, I gathered my personal belongings and I left knowing it would be the last time I was there. Reflecting back I wanted to figure out why God led me there and why it was not the experience I had expected. Much of it was so different as a staff than as a volunteer, and yet part of it was exactly the same.

I absolutely loved the summer camps that we did and will forever cherish the memories of several of the children I was allowed to witness have an amazing time, in spite of their disabilities. I saw a child with Down Syndrome walk over to the cross, spread out his arms like Jesus and even lift one leg partially up as Jesus is portrayed in pictures hanging on the cross. He told me he needed to get higher on the cross, he wanted to be on the cross beams just as Jesus had been. I witnessed children who at the beginning of the week seemed angry and unwilling to participate in the songs of chapel who by the end of the week were standing in front of the chapel and doing every motion to the songs as they sang about God, their creator. I experienced the thrill of being able to help young camp counselors find ways to better understand their campers’ different learning styles and then watch them form a bond with them that I’m sure they will never forget. I believe as they later come in contact with others who may have similar disabilities, the lessons they learned at camp will help them to then help others.

I realized the part that was different was that I had inappropriately put too much confidence and belief in someone who was not who I thought they were. I had placed them “higher” than I should have, and that was my fault. I don’t regret a single moment spent there over the past 9+ years, but hearing the song I knew that this season of my life was ending and it was time to move on. I firmly believe the only way for God to make me see that was to experience exactly what I did as a volunteer and then as a staff. Sometimes He can close doors softly and we get the message, other times he has to slam it shut before we get the message He is trying to send us. Once I made the decision and resigned I felt a peace that passes all understanding. I am totally okay with this chapter being closed as much as I enjoyed most of it and feel no need to look back. When we follow His leading, there is no doubt and there is complete peace.

Since leaving, I have been able to do things for my family and friends that I never could have done if I was still working there. Looking back, I see now why I felt the need to learn how to do certain things with the encouragement of my husband over that past few years. I know now why I made many choices that I did, although at the time I had no idea why I was making them, other than I felt He was telling me to. God was preparing me for this time long before I knew it was coming. By following His prompting, I am now in a position to be able to do His work without fear or a feeling of urgency to move on to the next “job”. He has always provided for us and I know He will continue to do so as long as we follow His lead. I recently found an envelope with my name on it in a drawer while looking for something else and there was a “surprise” inside. I don’t recall exactly where I got it, I have convinced myself where it may have come from but in reality I’m not 100% sure. The truth is I can question it all day long and it really doesn’t matter in the end, it was a blessing regardless of where it came from. It was another sign from God that I am exactly where He wants me to be at this time. I have no idea how long I will be in this season and it honestly doesn’t matter. He knows how long and He knows where I will go next and that’s all that matters. As the song says, where He leads me I will follow, I’ll go with Him all the way.

As we now enter the Christmas season, it’s time to really concentrate on family and the reason for the season. Some of us have experienced loss of family members and friends and this will be the first Christmas without them. Others of us may share this Christmas with loved ones and friends for the last time. Some of us may share this Christmas for the first time with loved ones and friends. Whatever the case may be, remember He alone is the reason for this season and look for the beauty and happiness, not the ugly or sadness. Focus on those we’re able to celebrate with and remember the happy times with those we can’t be with. Change is inevitable and leads to questions, but it can also lead to peace and beauty. I hope to write again soon, God bless and Merry Christmas to you all!

Here we are a week before Christmas! It’s a time to celebrate the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. To many it’s a time of family gatherings, office parties, parades, concerts, visits to Santa, and the list goes on. Gift giving and holiday baking, decorating , wrapping presents, and shopping for the “perfect gift” can all become so consuming of our time that we miss the true meaning of the season.

It’s a time of year that can also lead to feelings of inadequacy, depression, anxiety, and hopelessness. Not everyone has good memories of Christmases past or families that celebrate and gather to make happy memories.

So many people are hurting, often hiding that pain, and find themselves even more “lost ” and alone. This doesn’t mean they’re physically alone necessarily, but in their hearts and minds they’re alone. The hustle and bustle of the season seems to only add to the mixed emotions.

Remembering the true meaning of the season is the only way to be able to stay focused. The commercialism that has developed over the years has distorted our thoughts about the meaning and importance of the season.

We have a whole year to plan and prepare and yet most of us seem to wait until we end up feeling pressured and rushed to get it all done in time. We desperately try to get that “perfect” gift, make those “perfect ” Christmas cookies and candies, and fix that “perfect” meal for all to enjoy.

The truth is there is only one perfect gift and it’s the reason we have this season. The one and only perfect gift is Jesus. He came for us, to save us. To save us from this crazy world and to save us from ourselves.

As we enter this final week of preparation to celebrate His birth, let us remember that in the end no matter what food we prepare and what gifts we buy, it all means nothing without Him. Spend time this final week making precious memories and focusing on that sweet perfect little baby born in the manger so long ago. Read the story in the book of Luke, read the lyrics to the song below I recently heard sung by Anne Wilson, and just rejoice that Jesus came for us all, no matter who/what tried to stop Him.

I Still Believe in Christmas, Anne Wilson

The choir’s singing carols
Bells are ringing, streets are bright
It’s Christmas all around me
So why is Christmas hard to find
December snow is falling down
Like I am to my knees
I could use some hope right now
‘Cause right now hope is hard to see

Help me still believe

For God so loved this broken world
He sent His only son
To a carpenter and a teenage girl
To show us all His love
He left His home in heaven
To make heaven my home
My Emmanuel is with me
And I’ll never be alone
Down here my heart can’t find much to believe in
But I still believe in Christmas

I still believe in healing
For the weary and the hurt
And in a world that’s so divided
I still believe in peace on earth
I still believe that love is strong enough
To conquer hate
And in a world that won’t believe it
I still believe enough to say

For God so loved this broken world
He sent His only son
To a carpenter and a teenage girl
To show us all His love
He left His home in heaven
To make heaven my home
My Emmanuel is with me
And I’ll never be alone
Down here my heart can’t find much to believe in
But I still believe in Christmas
I still believe in Christmas

I still believe in Jesus
The name above all names
A Savior in a manger
And a star that leads the way
Help us all believe

For God so loved this broken world
He sent His only son
To a carpenter and a teenage girl
To show us all His love
He left His home in heaven
To make heaven my home
My Emmanuel is with me
And I’ll never be alone
Down here my heart can’t find much to believe in
But I still believe in Christmas
I still believe in Christmas

Merry Christmas to each and every one of you!

Times are surely changing! This world is in a hot mess right now, temperature wise and otherwise.

I have finally had a chance to get in a few rides recently that were much needed and provided time for quite a bit of deep thinking and soul searching. I honestly can’t believe the mess we’re finding ourselves in. It’s not shocking due to the fact God has slowly been removed from so many places, but I never thought I would see it this bad in my lifetime. I’m not getting into the politics of this mess or what I feel the end goal is, but I will say that I hope and pray people are waking up and getting their house in order spiritually.

Now is not the time to take things for granted that have always been a certain way; jobs, food, housing, the list goes on. This is not just a problem in America, it is worldwide! We all need to be doing our part to ensure our families are taken care of. I have pretty much always tried to take care of myself which I think I’ve rambled about before. There have also been times when I’ve allowed myself to admit I may need help with some things and opened myself up for being let down if/when that help didn’t come. Please be sure you’re helping those in need in whatever way you can.

I enjoy trying to do things that will allow me to in turn help family/friends, that’s how I was raised thankfully. If someone needs help, you help. Sadly not everyone was raised that way or even if they were, not everyone feels that way. I’ve come to the point in my life where I will continue to do what I can. If there’s something I’m not sure I can do, I will try. If I fail that’s ok too. I know that as long as I try and I do my best that’s what matters. The world and those who are of the world may see failure as a negative but I see it as a learning experience. I know my God will love me just the same and if He is with me then it’s ok if others are not. I’ve known people that enjoy seeing others fail and sometimes mock them and even use that failure to try and make them think God’s not with them or maybe even doesn’t exist. I will never feel that way. My God is real, He’s alive, and He’s with me every single day. I fail Him, but He never fails me. That is a truth I will never deny for anyone. Last week hubby and I rode together and had a “scary” moment and I can honestly say I spoke out loud on that ride, “Thank you Jesus, I know that was all you.” He never leaves our side. I say a prayer of protection before every ride and He’s always brought me back home safely.

I recently saw a devotional on a YouTube channel I follow. She said,” Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial.” (The scripture she was referring to is in 1 Corinthians). In today’s society, it seems a large part of the population does feel/think that everything is permissible and if you don’t agree you’re ridiculed and labeled as prejudice or any other number of negative labels. Just because this world says it’s ok, doesn’t mean it is. Just because you CAN do it, doesn’t mean you should.

When I look back to my childhood and how I grew up it makes me very thankful I was raised the way I was. I would LOVE to be able to live the same way now. Technology has ruined so much and I try very hard to ensure when I have my grandchildren, they experience some of the things I did growing up. Playing outside, spending time in nature, with animals, going for walks in the woods, and enjoying the beauty that God provides us with are important experiences to have. Our children and grandchildren need to experience being “unplugged.” The world will try to teach them to depend on others, they need to depend on God and know that only through Him can we ever truly succeed and find peace. If there’s no peace in someone’s life, my bet is God isn’t real to them.

The only way I’ve ever experienced peace was by walking with Him. Having a true relationship with Jesus Christ is the only path to peace. Are my days always happy and joyful because I have a relationship with Jesus? No they’re not, and He never said they would be. I always know that I can go to Him and find peace though, even in the midst of pain or sorrow, anger or despair. Do not allow other people to steal your joy or try to convince you He is not alive and well and in control. We may not understand what He is doing or why He hasn’t just come back yet, but it’s not for us to know. We’re simply to have faith, to believe, to have total trust in Him, and to share that with everyone we know. I am truly thankful for my relationship with Him and pray if you don’t have a relationship with Jesus as your Lord and Savior that you earnestly seek Him with your whole heart. You won’t regret it.

Gardening is full of life lessons.

This year I was picking the tomatoes just as soon as they started to turn color. If I tried to leave them until they’re fully ripe I would more than likely end up not getting any as they would end up splitting open or be attacked by bugs. Waiting too long meant a reduced harvest and not waiting long enough would have resulted in unripe tomatoes. The lessons learned meant overall the tomatoes were very productive this year and oh so tasty!

Then there are the green beans. They of course need to be picked at just the right time, too soon and they are limp with very little flavor, too late and they’re hard and not too tasty either. As I was bending over to pick them this particular day the sun was already beating on my face causing sweat to drop into my eyes. If you’ve ever picked green beans bent over trying to find them in amongst all of the greenery of the plant you know they can sometimes be hard to spot. If you then add sweat drops in your eyes to that mix it’s quite challenging to say the least. I soon decided to pick from the other side of the row so then the towering okra plants provided a bit of shade on my back and the sun was no longer directly in my face. This way it was a little easier to see and pick.

Sometimes we need to adjust our actions and sometimes we need to adjust our thoughts in order to see more clearly. We need to remain in the light, but sometimes it takes a little shade too in order to really focus. God can provide His light no matter where we are and He can provide relief from the heat of the garden or the heat of the moment if we simply look for His guidance.

As the plants in the garden begin to die back and stop producing, I remove them to make room for other plants to then grow or for the ground to rest. Those plants no longer serve a purpose so they must go. If I were to remove them too early, then I would lose out on some good vegetables but if I don’t remove them when I should then they could cause disease or bug issues for other nearby plants. As humans we need to be sure we don’t just remove people from our lives because they simply no longer serve our purpose. If we do this were they truly friends to begin with? Don’t get me wrong, there are times when the best thing we can do is remove some people from our lives, we just need to ensure we are doing it for the right reasons and in the right way.

Another lesson learned was in the okra. Initially the okra wasn’t doing as well as I thought it should be, based on my crop last year. I believe part of the problem was that I was treating it like the other vegetables and watering on the same schedule as them. I decided maybe it was getting too much water even though the heat has been insane this summer and I cut back on water. Shortly after reducing, it started producing very well. I also started cutting off the leaves/branches that were no longer going to assist with producing more okra and were simply using up nutrients that would be better used by the parts of the plant that were still productive. This reminded me of the importance of pruning areas of our own lives to ensure what we are doing is assisting us in being productive and living life for Him, not simply using up space and energy that would better serve us elsewhere.

We can all learn and grow when we plant ourselves in places where we allow God to water and prune us. If we go along treating ourselves and our loved ones just like everybody else, or like the world, then just like the garden, we will not live up to our full potential. Just as there are seasons for warm weather crops, cold weather crops, and even no crops at all, there are different seasons we too go through and we need to embrace each and every one of them as they come.

Sometimes we need to rotate crops to get the most out of the garden space and allow each crop to get the most nutrients out of the area they are planted in. Each crop has its own nutritional requirements in order to thrive and we too must be sure that where we are planted during the different seasons are where we will be most productive. Planting tomatoes in the exact same place year after year and not feeding the soil will produce less healthy plants and fewer tomatoes as the soil is robbed of it nutrients. If we remain in the same place year after year and we do not feed our minds and bodies with positive thoughts and more of what our bodies need, we too will become less productive and less healthy.

I personally want to be able to stand tall and proud like the okra and know that I’ve been as productive as I could because I was watered and pruned by my keeper. Just as I am the keeper of my okra, Jesus is the keeper of my heart and soul.

John 15:1-8 NKJV

“I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser.

Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.

You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you.

Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.

I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.

If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned.

If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.

By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples.